I often feel my life is like a house of cards. It often feels close to collapse.

The foundation or bottom tier is the exercising I do.

The next is eating.

The top two cards are mental and physical health.

I worry that I exercise too much. And what would happen if I couldn’t.

I won’t list what or how much, but some who know say it’s excessive. And maybe they’re right.

The need to eat is important to me, predominantly because it gives me the energy I need to be active. I’m not sure I’d consume regularly if I became too ill or injured to get physical. And that’s a worry.

Breaking my hip a few years ago meant a forced interruption. But I did have physiotherapy to complete and just getting around using the zimmer frame was tiring. So I guess, to me, that counted, I did also eat less. I can be overly conscious of how much I eat. 

My recent Achilles tendon issue stopped me running. I walked, painfully, instead. I could still ride my bike pain free.

At the beginning of the year I joined a gym to go swimming. But that subscription is now cancelled. Mentally I couldn’t change anything I was already doing so I had no time for the sessions. It made me feel bad to miss a week, and it was also a new expense. 

Working from home might give me too much time to think, or maybe it’s the early morning and after dinner periods that are too empty.

I rarely give myself time to rest, needing to be occupied as much as possible. Could that be a problem? 

I started writing this post when I felt I was entering a deep low. I
called the Samaritans. I have great people around me that I talk to, but
fear becoming a burden. Not knowing what I was going to say I hung up
before they answered.

There is a charity that provides support to men, Andys Man Club. They meet close to me on a Monday evening. I might go next week.