This is a word that’s been used to describe me during the last year. And I know why. I’ve coped with my loss and continued to live a life. This moniker is two sided though. I’ve struggled and put a brave face on because of it. I’ve felt pressure to live up to the description. And that can be tiring.

But it has helped me. Some mornings it’s the only reason I got out of bed; because I had a purpose. 

If it’s also meant others who have had similar experiences are better than they would otherwise have been, that’s great too.

I also think it can hamper a conversation.

If someone isn’t sure they are doing so well they can be more reluctant to talk. Like the depression I have dealt with for years I can  talk about it openly. But that doesn’t mean I’m coping any better.

Something else I’ve noticed is a kind of grief ranking system. Depending on the closeness of the relationship.  

The other person feels their loss isn’t as devastating as mine. They qualify it saying I must have been more deeply affected. I understand why they say it. I may well have done the same thing in the past. 

Any loss of a loved one, be it: mum, dad, sister, brother, cousin etc or close friend takes a toll. Talking about it can be very positive, it certainly helps me. 

Your feelings, thoughts and difficulties are just as valid as mine; and are as important.

An open, constructive and helpful conversation is the result.