A question was posed as a mate and I sat in our usual Sunday morning cafe. How had I changed my outlook on life so much over the last year or so?

Why was I seemingly positive despite it being the worst period of my life?

My reply was that it had taken a lot longer ago than he realised, and was a question I had asked myself recently.

I won’t go into his life’s trials, but suffice to say, he is finding things tough at the moment. And realised that his reactions to people and situations were being affected by it.

I’m not one to tell people what to do. I only discussed how I coped, and what I did. Take from it what you think will help.

The biggest change is my outlook. I no longer look for the negative in every situation. That doesn’t mean I ignore bad situations, or fool myself into thinking everything is always good. I have “trained” my brain to know if my interpretation of what’s going on is right or not.

I think this has happened in a number of ways.

Social Media:

I have been gradually altering my interaction with the online world. I know it’s trendy at the moment but I’ve deleted my X account. I just didn’t get much out of having it. You can’t have a discussion without the likelihood of it becoming aggressive. Of course there is the fear of missing out. So I tried to avoid using it for a week first; didn’t miss it.

It’s the same with other platforms. I now restrict most access until I’m on the exercise bike after work. It helps to distract me and makes time go more quickly. I’ll post pics of my cycling, to Instagram, Facebook and Threads outside of this time. And that’s about it. Maybe get involved in causes I follow. Threads at the moment seems to be used by much more broadminded people.

Youtube can be triggering. I have unsubscribed from many channels. It’s now a way to stream entertainment. With just a little  educational content. Too much of what I was watching was reactionary; it confirmed my beliefs but didn’t cause me to maybe reconsider them. Which I didn’t think was constructive.

People:

I don’t criticise people to others, or gosip as it might be called. I keep my opinion to myself. If I have a problem I’ll try to talk to the person about it. But if it’s too difficult for them to understand me. I’ll move on.

I used to be very much a people pleaser. Saying yes to things I really didn’t want to do because saying no felt awkward. Being able to say no is another change for the better.

Organisation: I’ve turned into a list maker. Once a task is written down or noted in some way I can then stop worrying about it until the scheduled time for it to be dealt with. Freeing me up to do other things: pause for a while, listen to music or read a book.

Focus: the above means I can then prioritise the now. Either to get stuff done or be involved with the people or occupations that mean the most to me.

Purpose: I now have a better idea of who I am, and what that means.

Situations: I’m now less likely to be in a stressful position. If I’m doing something or with someone; it’s because I want to be there. I hope that is obvious to the person involved and that they can see I value them because I’m focused.

Health: staying active, fit and motivated to keep doing it helps me unwind. It gets me out of bed in the morning, and helps me sleep better. And sleep is a very powerful life improver. Lack of it means you miss out on valuable time the body could use for repair and recovery.

Diet: I’m vegan now. And if I try to work out when the biggest improvement started; I think it was since this change. There is research that suggests plant based food can alter mood. A couple of links to pages that explain it better than me. Link 1. Link 2. 

Goal: continue to improve, I’m a work in progress.

Final thoughts.

My view on life is more positive. It’s
still tough a lot of the time, but I have more energy to deal with it
because none is wasted.

Now that I have have written this post; I realise it’s taken years of many little steps that started in 2020 when I first wrote about my depression.  Here is a link to that post.

It’s good to talk.