I’ve always been an introvert. Uncomfortable in social situation, the more people I don’t know, the harder they are. Even with lots I know they can still be difficult.

But, as I’ve aged this has changed a fair bit. Or at least it has most when I arrive at a cafe on my bike. I guess it’s because of a shared interest. This makes starting a conversation easier. I did it last Saturday at the Archive cafe in Copethorne. It was the busiest I have seen it. Generally though I do feel more at ease than I did when younger. I no longer worry about what others think of me. I think inner contentment or self confidence has grown.

From experience I’d say cyclists are more often introverts too, or at least that’s how it appears. When I arrive at a cafe on my own, and there are other solo riders I’m usually the one who speaks first. Maybe I’m mistaking their introvertness for reservation. Us Brits do tend to shy away from social interaction with strangers.

My last blog post was about the solo life. 

I’m conflicted - on the one hand I’m starting to get used to it, but still wish I had someone to share my day with. And to share theirs.

The holidays I’ve planned are eagerly anticipated, tinged as they are with a feeling that they could be better if shared.

I’ve been a member of Oxted Cycling Club for many years. A greater, supportive bunch of people you couldn’t meet. But participation in group rides can be stressful and fatiguing. So occasionally I take a break; do some solo rides. I’ll go to a cafe that’s likely to have other riders like I did last weekend or not stop. These rides allow me to reset and restore my energy. I then join in with the club rides again.

And that’s the issue with socialising. I find it can be very tiring. Not helped by my efforts to appear okay and happy. I know plenty of my support circle want to be involved and help. I can’t help myself though; I often have to put on a front. Or is it a wall? Explaining that I’m not so good uses energy, sometimes I just don’t have enough. It’s easier to just smile and say I’m okay.